Church Etiquette
Etiquette is important within an Orthodox Church because the church is a sacred place that deserves respect, reverence, and attentiveness. We, as Christians, should reflect the image of Christ both externally and internally at all times. And how much more so should we make the effort when inside the very House of God? The following introduction to Church Etiquette is meant to help us approach with this reverence and attentiveness, not as a means of judging others. Keep in mind that there are different traditions even among the Orthodox faithful.
STANDING IN CHURCH
It is the custom of Orthodox Christians to stand throughout the services of the Church. This is because the traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church is standing. In “Orthodox countries” there are usually no pews in the churches. Benches and chairs are along the walls for the elderly and those who need to sit for personal reasons.
Here at St. Nicholas, we are blessed to be a growing community! This means we are striving to find the best way to accommodate everyone with our seating. It’s a process! You are encouraged to find the best place in the nave that you can that enables you to pray and to help your neighbor pray.
If you need to sit during the Divine Liturgy, remember to stand at least during these times: when the Liturgy begins and the priest gives the blessing; during the Little and Great Entrances; when the priest is censing the icons and the faithful; during the Gospel reading; at the Anaphora; for Holy Communion; and at the final Blessing. Whenever a hierarch is visiting the parish, out of respect follow his example and stand and sit when he does.
BOWING OR KNEELING
Orthodox Christians bow when the Theotokos and Christ are petitioned. They also bow to the priest at his blessing, and when he asks forgiveness before the Great Entrance and again before Holy Communion. It is traditional for the Orthodox faithful to bow and cross themselves when they enter and leave the church, and when they pray before the icons.
In some Orthodox traditions there are times when kneeling (or prostrating) is a pious practice in the Liturgy, the most notable being at the Consecration of the Holy Gifts. However, kneeling is prohibited on Sundays and during the Paschal season, from Pascha to Pentecost, in honor of the Resurrection, so at St. Nicholas we only kneel for the Consecration when a Liturgy is served on a weekday outside of the Paschal season.
We also frequently kneel or prostrate throughout Lent and during the Kneeling Prayers on Holy Pentecost.
RECEIVING HOLY COMMUNION
The Holy Eucharist is reserved for those members of the Orthodox Church who have prepared themselves by prayer, fasting, and recent confession. All visitors and unprepared Orthodox are invited to partake of the blessed bread as they come forward to venerate the Cross at the end of the Liturgy.
If properly prepared to receive the Holy Mysteries, by prayer, fasting, and being free from serious sin, reverently approach the chalice with arms crossed on your chest. While making the sign of the cross is not necessary (this is why your arms are crossed), when making the sign of the cross, do not be too close to the chalice; big arm movements can have disastrous results.
When you are ready to receive the Holy Mysteries, clearly tell the priest your Christian name, even if he knows you. You are joyfully declaring that you have been received as the child of God! Make sure that your head is over the red communion cloth. Tilt your head back and open your mouth widely (wider than you think you need to!). Close your mouth as the spoon is withdrawn. [In some churches (typically not Antiochian) it is customary to carefully kiss the base of the chalice after receiving the Holy Gifts. Wait for the servers holding the Communion cloth to wipe your lips before doing so.] Carefully step back from the chalice. Go to the altar server holding the antidoron bowl for some bread to clear your mouth from any remaining Holy Communion. Then return to your place, offer your personal prayers of thanksgiving, and remain standing. Be a good example and instruct your children.
USHERS
Recently, we began having ushers assist during the Eucharist. Typically, we should go one row at a time; however, since we removed the chairs we no longer have defined rows. The ushers will help us to approach in an orderly fashion.
GREETING THE PRIEST OR BISHOP
In our modern culture, we greet one another with a handshake. The exception to this is when we greet a member of the clergy. We do not shake a bishop’s or priest’s hand; we kiss it with reverence and ask for a blessing. The proper way to do this is to approach the hierarch or priest with right hand over left, palms facing up, and then bow while saying, “Father, bless” to the priest. When the bishop visits, we greet him in the same way, saying, “Master (or Sayidna), bless.” If either places his hand in yours while blessing you, this is an appropriate time to kiss his hand. We kiss his hand because we are honoring Christ, whom he represents.
Receiving a Blessing
During the General Assembly, Fr. Matthew told us about a new directive from, Met SABA. We are not to ask a blessing from the priest on Sundays after the Eucharist, because the Eucharist itself is our blessing! To help us adopt this new practice, at the end of the Liturgy instead of venerating the cross, we will receive the antidoron from Fr. Matthew.
CLOTHING IN CHURCH
Usually, the first question people ask when going anywhere is, “What’s the dress code?” Sometimes, we put a lot of thought into our appearance when we’re in public. This is normal and healthy when kept in check. We should put thought into what we wear for church but in a slightly different way.
When in church, your goal is to worship God, not make a fashion statement or call attention to yourself. Therefore, when planning what to wear to services, always keep modesty and godliness in mind. In fact, this is the only real guideline for both men and women. God deserves our best effort and our humility and love. What we wear should reflect this, while keeping God’s commandments in mind.
For both men and women, this means avoiding tight-fitting or transparent clothing, low-cut and sleeveless tops, open backs, shorts, sweatpants, or clothing with logos or printed material.
For men, this means wearing clean slacks or pants and collared, button-up shirts or sweaters. Ties and coats are not required but are most certainly encouraged. Men’s hats should be removed when entering the church.
For women, this means wearing dresses or skirts with covered shoulders and backs, or pants and blouses, and avoiding shorter-than-knee-length skirts or dresses. Some women also choose to cover their heads during worship. While this is usually not required (it is not required at St. Nicholas), it is a wonderful way to express humility before God. No one should be criticized for their decision regarding head coverings.
Young children may wear shorts if their parents so desire. Clothing that is too casual is not appropriate for anyone of any age.
What could be a more important meeting than that with God Himself? The purpose of choosing our clothing wisely is that we model what is important to us by how we dress.
NOISE IN THE CHURCH
Our church temple is a holy place where the Lord is truly present–and that remains true even after the dismissal. Candles still burn, the Reserved Gifts are present, and brothers and sisters in Christ may still be at prayer. We ask all parishioners to please move conversations to the narthex or fellowship hall after services and during confessions, and to keep voices low when remaining in the nave. Children, too, can be gently guided to understand that this space calls us to a special attentiveness. Fellowship is a genuine fruit of the Eucharist, and we embrace it wholeheartedly. We also recognize the limitations of our space and the occasional need to use the temple for fellowship. May our time together after Liturgy be an overflow of our worship, and may we never allow the noise of even good and loving fellowship to crowd out the stillness in which God so often speaks.
RECEIVING THE ANTIDORON
The blessed bread–or antidoron (literally “instead of the gifts”)–distributed after Holy Communion and at the close of the Divine Liturgy is a gift to be received with reverence. It is taken from the same loaf of prosfora from which the Eucharistic bread is taken; however, it is blessed but not consecrated. This is bread is given to strengthen us after our fast, especially for those who have not received the Eucharist. By oikonomia, it is also shared with visitors as a sign of love and hospitality.
Because it is blessed, it should be received with reverence and therefore it should be (1) consumed entirely, (2) carefully taken home and eaten there in a fitting manner (at morning prayers, to break your fast), (3) or disposed of respectfully, such as by burning or placing it on untouched ground. When receiving it, do not allow the crumbs to drop, and do not deposit crumbs in the candle stands. We ask that all parishioners receive the antidoron with care. Children will need assistance so that they do not take too many pieces, and so they are not careless in handling the bread. Thank you for your understanding and your love for the things of God.
CHILDREN IN CHURCH
Bring them with you!
Christ desires our little ones in His presence. As He says, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 9:14). As Orthodox Christians and as parents, we have a duty to our Lord to bring our children to Him and allow them to experience His love in the divine services. Therefore, children should remain in the church throughout the service to learn about the Life of the Church and about the commandments of God. And it is our job to ensure they can learn unencumbered.
Helping your children behave
Children need time and guidance to understand how to behave properly while in the church, during worship or otherwise. They won't get it right the first time. Here are some things to think about:
1. Noise
Children make noise. They coo, gurgle, babble, and talk. Most of the time these noises are perfectly harmless and don’t distract anyone. But sometimes they cry. And this can make you feel embarrassed, especially if your child is throwing a tantrum and starts to distract other worshipers. We rejoice at the sounds of children, because they are the future of the Church!
If your child becomes upset, and feeding/changing them doesn’t seem to help, try walking around throughout the temple with them. This works quite well with children between six to eighteen months old, and even those approaching three and four years old. So long as you do not go on or into the altar, you have freedom to walk about the church with your child during the service. Let them see, let them touch the icons and kiss them, let them encounter Christ. Remind your baptized child that Jesus lives inside and loves him/her.
We do have a nursery available if you need to step out for a time.
2. Snacks
Orthodox Christians fast from midnight the night before to prepare for Holy Communion. Anyone who is baptized and capable of fasting (generally over seven years), should fast prior to receiving. For younger children (6-18 months), parents can bring a snack, but it is preferable not to bring food into the nave. As the children grow older, they should be weaned from snacks and breakfast prior to Communion.
3. Toys
Try to keep toys to an absolute minimum, as this teaches your child that they should expect to be able to play during the service rather than worship. If you do bring any toys, choose those that won’t make noise when dropped on the floor or that might help them engage in the service. We have a basket of children's books available in the Narthex that your child can look at during the service.
While your children may fuss in church at first, you’ll find eventually that they feel at home and at peace in their Father’s house. Show them how much you love being in church, and they will come to feel the same way as they live and grow in the Faith.
LEAVING THE CHURCH
The respectful protocol is to leave the church only after the f inal blessing, and after kissing or venerating the cross held by the priest at the end of the Divine Liturgy. It is not acceptable to be in the church hall, kitchen, or an administrative office during Liturgy. Some parishes have church school at the end of the Liturgy. This is the only exception allowed. Those who leave early deprive themselves of a blessing. After walking to the back of the nave of the church, it is customary to face the altar, bow, and make the sign of the cross.
ENTERING THE CHURCH
“It is time for the Lord to act.” This liturgical phrase signals our transition from the temporal into the eternal. Leaving the world outside, we abandon worldly time and enter into God’s time. Being creatures that live in this world, we are bound by chronology; the cycles of time and the clock serve as guides for daily life. As Orthodox Christians, we anticipate being lifted “out of time” to be ushered into the heavenly dimension.
The Lord’s Day worship begins on Saturday evening with Great Vespers and includes Sunday morning Orthros and Divine Liturgy. Although timeless, practically speaking, worship services have a specific point in time when they are scheduled to begin. Therefore, the proper time to arrive at church is well before the service is scheduled to begin, in order to pray and complete our preparations for worship. As is our custom, always enter prayerfully and, when the time is proper, light candles and venerate the holy icons (traditionally, the patronal or festal icon at the door, then the icon of Our Lord, and then the icon of Our Lady). We come to the church on time as if to a “Great Banquet,” with reverence because we are partaking of the very Body and Blood of Christ, our Savior. Coming to pray Orthros before the Divine Liturgy begins will ensure that you will settle in with plenty of time to pray without distraction.
In the event that arriving late is completely unavoidable, try to enter quietly and unobtrusively, observing what is happening. Remain in the Narthex if the Epistle or Gospel is being read, the priest is praying a litany prayer, during the Little and Great Entrances, or during the homily. Never enter during the Anaphora (the prayers of consecration of the holy Mysteries).
May God bless our worship as the eternal breaks in upon the temporal!
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THE KISS OF PEACE
During the Divine Liturgy, Fr. Matthew says, “Let us love one another that we may with one mind confess…” and we sing, “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: the Trinity, One in essence and undivided.” During this hymn, we see the clergy in the altar exchange the kiss of peace. The faithful in the church should do this too!
Turn to your neighbor and say, “Christ is in our midst!” They should reply, “He is and ever shall be.” Then you exchange a kiss on the cheek (or just a hug or handshake). This is an expression of our mutual love which is fulfilled in the Eucharistic communion.
During the Paschal season, instead of the usual greeting we say, "Christ is risen!" and the reply is, "Truly, he is risen!"
ORTHROS: THE SIX PSALMS
The Six Psalms (Psalm 3, 37, 62, 87, 102, and 142) are read at the beginning of Orthros. The rubrics in the Horologion introduce these psalms, saying, “And we begin the Six Psalms, listening in all silence and with compunction while the appointed reader saith with reverence and fear of God.” In the Antiochian tradition, we stand with “silence and compunction” by being very still.
There should be no moving about during these psalms, not even to venerate the icons as you enter the church. Whatever needs to be done, adjusting your items under your chair, lighting your candles, etc - those should wait until after the Six Psalms. Even the chanters and the altar servers cease their tasks. When we read the “Glory” at the halfway point, we don’t even bow or cross ourselves.
Why are these so solemn? It is a pious tradition that these psalms remind us of our judgment. We stand before Christ in our affliction, trusting in his help and salvation. Our souls long for the God of our salvation and cry out unto him. During the reading of Psalm 87, the priest stands before the icon of Christ to pray for us as Christ Himself came to intercede for us. We bless the Lord, and pray, “Hearken unto me, O Lord, in Thy righteousness, and enter not into judgment with Thy servant.” It is the prayer of those who have been humbled down to the earth, and yet ends with the hopeful trust in the Lord, “Thy good Spirit shall lead me in the land of uprightness.”
HOLY TRASH
Beneath the Holy Water font in the narthex is a waste basket for cups used for drinking Holy Water. We also use this trash can to collect the cups after serving the memorial wheat for the departed, kolyva. Because Holy Water and kolyva are blessed in the church, the cups holding them become blessed as well. So we burn these cups rather than disposing of them with the regular trash.
Whenever you receive Holy Water (or kolyva) be sure to put your paper cup in this basket, and please do not put regular trash in that basket.
FLOWERS IN THE ORTHODOX CHURCH
Before the second antiphon the priest prays quietly, “Sanctify those who love the beauty of Your house.”
One of the many ways we beautify the Lord’s house is with the use of flowers. We adorn festal icons on their feast days, and we use particular flowers or plants for certain feasts (for example, Palm Sunday, greenery on Pentecost, carnations or red roses on feasts of the Cross, etc). While floral decorations are often organized for feast days (see Renee or Kh. Hannah if you would like to participate!), anyone may offer flowers at any time as an expression of faith, gratitude, or prayer.
If you offer flowers at the foot of an icon, place them in a small vase of water so they will keep for a little while. If you only wish to leave one or two flowers, place them on the ledge of an icon stand so others can venerate the icon. Remember to make arrangements to remove your flowers when they have begun to wilt.
VENERATING THE ICONS
When you enter the narthex of an Orthodox church, you will see quite a few holy images, of saints, the Theotokos, or Christ Himself. In Orthodox tradition, we venerate these icons and pay honor and respect (not worship!) to those pictured in them. Once you venerate the icons in the narthex, you can proceed into the nave of the church, or the main area. You can venerate the icons on the stands at the entrance and front of the church, so long as you remain quiet and reverent and do not disturb other worshipers. Some parishioners choose to find a seat first, while others prefer to venerate all the icons and then find a place to stand or sit.
Customs for venerating icons vary from parish to parish, depending on the archdiocese. If you are not yet Orthodox and this practice makes you uncomfortable, please know you do not have to venerate the icons. However, if you do decide to, here are a couple guidelines to help you. First, make two metanias (that is, the sign of the cross followed by a bow), sign of the cross a third time followed by kissing the icon, then a final metania.
When venerating (kissing) an icon, pay attention to where you kiss. It is not proper to kiss an icon on the face; after all, you wouldn't go up and kiss the Lord or His Mother on the lips, would you? Rather, you would kiss their hand. Pay attention to what you are doing. When you approach an icon to venerate it, kiss the Gospel, scroll, or hand cross in the hand of the person depicted, or kiss the hand or foot. In fact, the hands and feet on some icons are covered with metal for just this purpose and so as not to damage the icon itself. As you venerate an icon, show the proper respect due to the person depicted; the same respect you would show them in person. Do not venerate icons while wearing lipstick or lip balm – this can damage them. You may also choose to light a candle at this time, offering a prayer.
Remember veneration is far more than the acts of bowing, kissing, crossing oneself, and lighting candles. Those things become veneration when they are offered towards the person who is made present in an icon. An icon that becomes an object ceases to be a true icon and becomes mere art. The Fathers taught that an “icon makes present that which it represents.” The veneration of an icon is an encounter with a person.
LIGHTING CANDLES
Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox typically light candles when coming into the Church. There are times, though, when candles should not be lit. It is not proper to light candles during the Epistle and Gospel readings, during the Little or Great Entrances, the sermon and most of the time when the faithful are standing. If in doubt, a church usher is available to guide you.
THE SIGN OF THE CROSS
To make the sign of the cross: join the thumb, index, and middle fingertips of your right hand together [signifying the Holy Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit], while closing the other two fingers against the palm [signifying the two natures of Christ, uncreated divinity and created humanity in one Person, who descended to earth]. Touch the joined fingertips to your forehead, abdomen, right shoulder, to the left shoulder.
It is always appropriate to cross oneself at the mention of the Holy Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; whenever entering or leaving the church; at the beginning of the Liturgy; when passing in front of the altar; when venerating an icon, the Gospel, or the cross; and at times for personal petitions.
It is not necessary to cross oneself when the priest is giving a blessing or censing the congregation. Instead, one should bow to receive the blessing. We do not make the sign of the cross at the mention of the Trinity during the Six Psalms of Orthros.
THE PRAYER FOR THE CATECHUMENS
The Divine Liturgy is composed of two parts:
- the Liturgy of the Catechumens (also called the Liturgy of the Word) - in this portion, the people hear the Holy Scriptures, and the priest expounds on them. A catechumen is one who is formally enrolled and preparing for baptism and reception into the Church.
- the Liturgy of the Faithful (also called the Liturgy of the Eucharist) - in the second half of the Divine Liturgy, the gifts of bread and wine are offered and consecrated; then the faithful, that is Orthodox Christians who have prepared themselves with prayer and fasting, partake of the gifts in the Sacrament of Holy Communion.
Immediately after the Homily, the church offers a Litany and Prayer for the Catechumens. In the litany, the faithful are called upon to pray for the Catechumens, that God will reveal the Gospel to them and that they may be united to the Church. Then the priest prays:
Lord our God, Who dwells on high and watches over the humble, You sent forth Your only-begotten Son and God, our Lord Jesus Christ, for the salvation of the human race. Look down upon Your servants, the catechumens, who have inclined their necks to You, and grant them at a proper time the baptism of rebirth, the remission of sins, and the garment of incorruption. Unite them to Your holy, catholic, and apostolic Church, and number them among Your chosen flock.
These prayers conclude the Liturgy of the Catechumens, which is the educational portion of our worship. Historically, the deacon dismissed the catechumens and any unbaptized persons, saying, "Depart, catechumens depart!" so that only the Orthodox faithful remained for the Sacrament of the Eucharist. While we no longer practice this dismissal, this proclamation still reminds us that we are entering the Liturgy of the Faithful which is guarded and protected as our most holy sacrament.
In our parish, the catechumens are invited to approach the solea immediately after the homily to receive a blessing during the Litany of the Catechumens as the Church prays for them.
LOST AND FOUND
By God's grace our parish is growing! We have very limited space, so please take your belongings home with you. Please do not leave behind extra items in the nave or the kitchen.
Abandoned items are often collected and placed in a cardboard box labeled "Lost and Found." Because we don't even have space for a lost and found box - the box is sometimes moved between the fellowship hall and the Library. Items in the box are periodically donated, so please check often for any belongings you want to keep.
Thank you for your help keeping our parish a clean and comfortable space for everyone!
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